You are listening to an Ounce, Season 6, episode 19, 7 Arresting Examples of Stupid Crimes
Have you ever noticed that most folks (including ourselves) like to pretend we will beat the odds of a bad outcome when making a foolish choice. Most every time anyone who chooses a bad path figured they’d be the exception too. That they had a plan, an angle, an advantage, that would give them the edge.
Just like everyone else, most criminals are also to trying game the system and beat the odds. Seems most who have chosen that path have found their expectations of glamor and excitement go unfulfilled. And they just end up exposed and humiliated.
Have you ever considered a life of crime? You will want to reconsider after hearing about these 7.
And, if you’ve never wanted to attempt crime as a career choice, here are 7 perfect examples of why you should feel good about your choice.
Breaking into a parked vehicle
1. On the night of September 29, 1987, Stephen Le and two underage accomplices attempted to break into a parked truck. And how they then – without an arrest, a judge, or even being charged, they immediately ended up in prison
How did this happen?
It seems the owner of the truck was not too far off when the break in was attempted. The owner chased after the suspects on foot, and as he did so, he waved down a patrol car to help.
Seeing the posse getting closer, the scurrying suspects scaled up and over a very large security fence to avoid capture... and that could have been the end of the matter. Problem was, the fence they went over – well – it was a perimeter fence for San Quentin Prison. Once in the Pen, they were quickly captured, and charged with attempted burglary and Trespassing on State Property.
Now - Mr. Le was of age, and the one who should have been responsible. The two impressionable underage accomplices – well who knows? But when you hang around with stupid, stupid stuff happens.
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1989-09-29-mn-100-story.html
Arresting Allergies
2. Maybe our next bad guy from Oklahoma had heard the odd cautionary tale of the man in Leicester, UK, who, not wanting to get everyone’s attention, chose to stifle a powerful sneeze – and ended up in the hospital with painful injuries that made it difficult for him to swallow or speak.
Setting the scene, it was late in the evening. Our bad guy was driving like a chicken out of a slaughter house down a dark rural road. He was running from the cops. During this high-speed chase, our fugitive realized his car wasn’t up to the task of outrunning the patrol cars. So, he decided his best chance for escape was to ditch the car, and run and hide.
After coming to a stop and exiting the vehicle - and before the police pulled up, he found refuge amongst the sand and sagebrush and hunkered down out of sight.
Then, as a tickling sensation rose up in his sinuses, he was reminded that he had some allergies to dust and sage brush. Now he was beginning to panic a little. He was thus far successful at hiding from the cops, but now experiencing a nearly irresistible urge to explosively purge his sinuses, he found himself with a difficult conundrum. Stifle the sneeze and risk injuring himself like that guy in Leicester – or let it out. Rather than risk injury, he let err rip, and was promptly, found, arrested, and charged.
https://www.newson6.com/story/5e3616132f69d76f6203e137/sneeze-helps-osage-nation-police-find-suspect
Alcohol and Sharpies
3. Our next two geniuses are from Iowa, and sometime in 2009 they began their evenings adventures by depleting their ability to reason… by consuming quite a bit of alcohol. Then, to add some excitement to an otherwise uneventful night they decided to rob an apartment, where they figured they could abscond with some sweet gear and a little cash.
The two formulated a foolproof plan – well, at least to a couple of fools with brains soaked in 100 proof grain alcohol, it seemed foolproof. Knowing they might be recognized, or even recorded on the complexes video surveillance system, they donned disguises.
First, they both applied fake beards. Not a bad start. But the duo took a wrong turn on the disguise idea and went on to further obscure their facial features by scribbling several lines and patterns all over their faces – trying to draw masks - with a black marking pen.
At First, it seemed they had successfully the brilliant plan had worked. But, I guess two guys with fake beards and distinctive black lines all over their faces made in permanent marker, don’t look too much different than two guys with no beards and distinctive black permanent marker lines all over their faces. They were quickly located, detained, and charged.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6431303/Dumb-American-criminals-attempt-robbery-with-permanent-marker-pen-disguises.html
Hitting the Banks
Well – you may have noticed our previous dopes didn’t really even pick a target rich environment – like maybe a bank. Ya – That’s where the cash is.
The next time you decide to rob a bank, here are a couple of little anecdotes to learn a lesson from.
4. A would-be bank robber entered the bank prepared. He had written a note that said, “Be Quick … Give me your cash or I’ll shoot.” He got to the tellers window and handed over the note – and the teller quickly handed him the cash. The bank heist was going great so far, and our robber headed out the front door with the cash in hand.
In an unfortunate oversight in his planning, he had used a piece of paper that had a perforation in it, half the note ripped away and was left with the teller, the other half was found along his escape route.
FBI Agents didn’t have to wait for any lab results on the evidence. The paper trail left in two halves was easy to follow. Agents put the scraps together and found that it was a pay stub that gave them the full name and address of the perpetrator. They just stopped in on their way to the jail and picked him up, along with the $397 he stole.
https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/oddities/stupid-criminal-of-the-day-pay-stub-bank-robber/1851933/
5. Our next bank robber should have realized there are many kinds of evidence that can be used to identify the perpetrator of a crime. Fingerprint, DNA, leaving your business card, and video surveillance are all very compelling. This next’ big brained criminal master mind ‘made one very critical – and kind of odd mistake. In 2008 two bank robberies took place on the same day. At the first one the thief told the teller a bomb would go if they didn’t hand over the cash.
A short time later, another teller, in another bank nearby, was handed a lottery ticket with a drawing of a gun on it – and instructed to hand over the cash as well. The robber was in and out fast enough in both robberies that it appeared he might make an escape. However, having meticulously planned his heist ahead of time, our perpetrator figured he ought to change his appearance to throw off anyone chasing him. So, like a reverse superman, he stopped to quickly change clothes.
Absolutely remarkable forethought – right?
But the clothing he left behind - held his wallet, his birth certificate, and his social security card. Sometimes you just don’t need the DNA
https://archive.nytimes.com/cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/31/bank-robber-left-behind-photo-id-police-say/
Doing a Hitch for Hiking Boots
6. In December 1996, Charles Taylor of Wichita, Kansas, was accused of stealing, at knife point, a $69 pair of hiking boots. Police located and arrested the knife wielding boot bandit a short time later. They were positive they had the right guy, but they had not, to that point, located the stolen goods.
While in court the accused Charles Taylor comfortably leaned back and lifted his feet up… on top the table provided for the defendant and his council. Confident he got away with it. The judge, not amused by the defendant taking such a lazy posture in his court, leaned forward a little. To give this rather arrogant man a closer look.
The judge later said he found it hard to believe anyone who stole a pair of boots would be so stupid as to wear them into court. But there they were. The size 10 ½ tan hiking boots the dim-witted defendant was accused of pinching from the shoe store while using a deadly weapon.
The boots were seized, and the defendant, Mr. Taylor, was promptly convicted, and sent to his cell … in his socks.
https://www.orlandosentinel.com/1997/03/21/accused-hiking-boot-thief-pleas-non-compos-footsis/
And finally – when you get caught – don’t bother traying to lie your way out of it – you’ll just look really stupid.
Inverted Incarceration
#7. One fine day in 2008 Paul Ives came home to find someone had changed the decor in his house. Near the front window, someone had hung a rather obvious new and highly unique, and noisy bobble. A human, hanging upside down by his shoelace, begging to be let down. This new piece of ornamentation came complete with the hammer used to break the window and enter the home.
The pleading gentleman suspended by one foot, just inside the apartment, insisted he was there because gotten caught while discouraging a burglar he had observed breaking into Mr. Ives apartment.
Mr. Ives, and a few neighbors, amused by this new ornament – and his story telling prowess, just left him be, and called the police. The more he begged and squirmed to try to be set free, the more tightly he was ensnared.
A short time later a rescue team, and the police arrived, decided to remove the uninjured but noisy intruder, and moved him to a new location. As he had shown he was adept at hanging around, he was given the opportunity to hang out in a cell – after being charged with breaking and entering.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2602238/Burglar-left-hanging-upside-down-after-trapping-shoelace.html
Well, there are potentially many little “ounce-sized nuggets of wisdom” to be uncovered here. But, for now, might I suggest just this one.
Here’s An Ounce
…from our brief consideration of crime and criminals.
There are so many choices to be made every day between right and wrong. And a large portion of them are quite easy to make.
But, every now and then the allure and excitement of the risk, the chance of taking advantage, or cheating to get a leg up on everyone else, may seem too strong.
But think again my friend – why would you believe you’re going to be the exception, that you are going to get away with it – Understand - every other poor slob thought the same thing.
Karma, the golden rule, you reap what you sow… – whether you accept them or not – they will always balance things out – eventually.
And, that’s it. An Ounce, submitted for your consideration.
