The Curse of the Goat Head

 There are many things in our natural world that should be feared – or at least respected. But then, there are those things which are feared – and probably don’t need to be.
And then, there is the stuff that looks harmless, but you find out it is lying to you.
The one you really need to look out for. The true torturer of man and beast. It is the ‘Southern European Puncture Vine’. This nasty little bit of fauna is a cute, low-lying, green, succulent looking, and kinda leafy little sucker, with small bright yellow flowers. Looks kind, nice, sweet, inviting even – but do not be deceived. This is no harmless little plant, it is noxious, poisonous, and mean.  And it’s packing a concealed weapon. And its entire purpose for existence is to puncture your skin, inflame the entry would with a little caustic poison, and hold on as long as possible. 
Out here in the desert southwest, we’ve given it a dis-affectionate nickname: Goat head.

The Goat Head also carries several other names, including:
Southern European Puncture Vine
Devils Thorn 
Tribulus Terrestris

Also see:
https://ipm.ucanr.edu/PMG/WEEDS/puncturevine.html
https://nazinvasiveplants.org/goathead
https://ucanr.edu/blogs/blogcore/postdetail.cfm?postnum=57203 

Transcript

You are listening to An Ounce, season 6, Episode 14, The Curse of the Goat Head 

There are many things in our natural world that should be feared – or at least respected. But then, there are those things which are feared – and probably don’t need to be. 

The great outdoors has all kinds of hazards – most of which can be avoided with a little knowledge and awareness. These might include those things that want to kill you, and worse yet – the things that just want you to suffer. (I’ll explain why this may be worse a little later on.) 

Fear - Justified 

Take the big ole hairy tarantula spider for example. Many might find such a beastie and turn and run – some might even add a good scream just for effect. But the tarantula spider is not likely to want to bite you. They’d much rather just avoid you. But, even if you are somehow able to convince one that biting you is its best course of action, it’s not likely to hurt you too bad. Though you’d probably have nightmares about it – the bite is about as dangerous as a bee sting (which is really only dangerous when you are allergic). And unlike bees, wasps, and other yellow and black menaces, the tarantula is not likely to recruit an army of friends and chase you down to prove their point – in fact common bee’s generally won’t do that either (but, to be sure some bees are just class A jerks). 

 The Great Outdoors has more to throw at us - you’ve got the snakes, the Apex predators like bears and wildcats, and several varieties of creepy crawlies… like spiders and scorpions. However, out in the country the stuff you can fall off of, get drowned in, or just spend too much time trying to experience without a good clean source of water – are much more likely to leave you in a bad way. 

If you take a few precautions and, your odds of coming out of the wild unscathed are quite good – maybe better than a lot of the bigger cities. 

 If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear? 

 For example, here in the desert southwest, doing stuff like having extra fresh water available, keeping a roll of duct tape in the glove box – you can fix about anything with that stuff - and having a good map or GPS unit will help a lot. 

Sunscreen is a necessity – unless you like the dried-up lobster look. 

Keeping an eye on the weather is really necessary – watch the sky, and if it starts raining anywhere in the area – even several miles away -it doesn’t need to be raining on you, be warned what might be coming at you down that formerly dry wash – it could be an unanticipated 35 mile per hour wall of mud, rocks, cactus, and stumps. 

Then there are other self-preservation habits we desert dwellers have learned, like: 

Always shake your shoes out before you put them on – never know what kind of critter has crawled into them. This is true of hat’s, caps, and gloves too. And shake out your clothing before putting it on. Oh – and – always shake out the sleeping bag too – seems there are a lot of indigenous residents in the desert that appreciate a warm sleeping bag on a cool night. 

Knowledge is power – preparation calms fear. 

And then, there is the stuff that looks harmless, but you find out it is lying to you – and there are several of these. 

Cactus? – cactus is no surprise. It warns you – Hey! This is my space and I’m not sharing. It sticks it’s pointy little spine’s right out there in the open where you can see them. But some folks are so dumb, that’s not enough of a warning. Ok, most folks are not that dumb – but I am. After 50 years, I can still feel the spines of that prickly pear cactus piercing through my canvas sneakers into the ball and arch of my right foot. 

You really can’t be angry with cactus. At least it warns you, and so does the cockle bur and the thistle. 

 This one Hates Us All 

 But of the innocent pretenders, this one is the notorious nightmare - 

The one you really need to look out for. The true torturer of man and beast. It is the ‘Southern European Puncture Vine’. This nasty little bit of fauna is a cute, low-lying, green, succulent looking, and kinda leafy little sucker, with small bright yellow flowers. Looks kind, nice, sweet, inviting even – but do not be deceived. This is no harmless little plant, it is noxious, poisonous, and mean. And it’s packing a concealed weapon. And its entire purpose for existence is to puncture your skin, inflame the entry would with a little caustic poison, and hold on as long as possible. 

Out here, we’ve given it a dis-affectionate nickname. Goat head. 

The Painful Payload of the Goat head is often effective though shoes, and always through socks. Bare feet – or any unprotected skin – fa get about it…. 

That’s because that concealed weapon it carries – a seed pod that, when stepped on, breaks apart into 4 pieces. Each one of these sections is a multipronged thorn that looks like the head of a nightmarish old goat with long sharp and barbed horns and teeth. And just for good measure, it seems the Goat Head is probably the close cousin of the unicorn – cause it’s usually got at least one spike sticking out of its nasty little forehead. 

I’m betting it also has family ties to the Lego block – if you’ve ever stepped on a Lego in your bare feet, you know what I’m talking about. 

That goat head sticker relentless, after it falls off the plant, can lay on the ground and remain ready for action – for years. What looks like a clear and open space can, in truth be, a goat head minefield. 

Stepping on this one cute little deceiver of a plant, the Southern European Puncture Vine, or goat head - has taught more sweat little children how to explosively utter an expletive than any other single thing. 

In fact, even a well-disciplined adult can’t help breaking out in excitable utterances. 

As a general rule, the swear jar does not take in any money when you’re assaulted by the goat head – ‘cause taking a hit from a goat head is … well, let just say it’s an automatic mulligan. 

The Goat head is known to ruin a sand lot game of baseball, deflate basketballs, pop bicycle tires, and painfully destroy a good pair of flip-flops. 

 The Play by Play 

 Picture this – It’s a neighborhood pool party in the backyard of a lovely home. John stands up from is chair where he has been enjoying Bennies famous bar-b-q ed ribs.  John gets everyone’s attention and begins - “On behalf of the whole neighborhood, Bennie, these ribs are awesome, and it’s so wonderful that you decided to host the get-together”. As he continues, John lifts his glass of lemonade to share a toast, he shifts some of his weight to his left foot and says, “Bennie, you and Sharon … Holy heck, son of a biscuit, Oh my bless’ed cheese and crackers”. Then red-faced, he holds his hand to his mouth, drops his lemonade, and settles back into his seat – beads of perspiration appearing on his forehead. 

“John”, Bennie asks, as he rushes over to help, “are you having a stroke?” 

John awkwardly lifts his left foot – Bennie gasps – Cause there it is. The terrifying truth. A perfect example of a goat head firmly embedded in the bottom John's Pinky toe. John's wife utters, “I told you to wear your shoes” then she turns and shouts to everyone, “we’ve got a goat head situation here – is there a surgeon in the house?” Everyone moans in agony as they vicariously feel the pain, they all know - all too well. And no-one takes another step – because even in Bernie’s beautiful manicured lawn - where there’s one goat head there’s going to be more – and nobody wants to be the next victim. 

Ok – maybe I’m exaggerating a bit – but it really does hurt that bad sometimes. 

Like poison ivy - the Goat Head looks innocent, even kind of attractive, if you didn’t know better. But, don’t let your guard down! It will make you curse! 

 
So, here’s An Ounce from our brief look at the horrid and deceptive Goat Head, and its place in the natural world. 

And, just as with any story, there are many little “ounce-sized nuggets of wisdom” to be uncovered. For now, might I suggest just this one – 

There are so many things out there that seem so dangerous – but most of the time the real danger comes from the more common, more likely, more run-of-the-mill. 

Should you fear lighting? Sure. Shark Attack? OK. Terrorist bombs? Maybe. Serial Killers. Of course. Should you prepare for devastating floods or other extreme weather events? Wisdom demands it. 

The odds are - Like Beauty, Joy, and Blessings - Most human afflictions, challenges, injuries, and failures occur within the common and every day – not the atypical or unusual. 

But, for most of us the greater dangers exist in the things we begin to overlook because they are so common - the fall at home, the commute to work, a superglue accident (but that’s a whole ‘nother episode). 

Understand your environment and don’t obsess over the salacious and over-hyped. 

And that’s it, An Ounce submitted for your consideration. 

Goat Head 

Also know as: 

Southern European Puncture Vine 

Devils Thorn 

Tribulus Terrestris