The Curse of Ease: The Benefit of Struggle

  Sometimes things break perfectly. So perfectly that if there is some intervention (well-meaning or not) that perfect result of brokenness becomes a tragedy.
For example: The little chick struggling to break free of the egg as it hatches. It is truly a fight for life – but if we intervene, and “help” by pulling away the shell it fights against away, and freeing it – we also kill it. That struggle to emerge from the egg is necessary in order for the chick to gain the strength it needs to thrive.

It’s important to struggle, stretch, learn, and grow. The tough expenses bring wisdom, understanding, and comprehension of greater things. 
Challenges make us better. And think twice before you take any action that removes an important learning opportunity from someone else. 

Transcript

The Curse of Ease: The Benefit of Struggle 

You are listening to An Ounce, Season 6, Episode 26, The Curse of Ease: The Benefit of Struggle 

Sometimes things break perfectly. So perfectly that if there is some intervention (well-meaning or not) that perfect result of brokenness becomes a tragedy. 

For example: The little chick struggling to break free of the egg as it hatches. It is truly a fight for life – but if we intervene, and “help” by pulling away the shell it fights against away, and freeing it – we also kill it. That struggle to emerge from the egg is necessary in order for the chick to gain the strength it needs to thrive. 

Butter on the Wrong Side 

{So, are you saying we should never reach out to help someone who is struggling or needs help? } 

This does not mean we should never help, rescue, intervene, or fix something. But it does take a little wisdom to know when to step in and rescue – and when to stand back and let learning happen, and strength be gained. 

Here is a cliché of a story made from a generality that often occurs in our world today that might illustrate a few things we shouldn’t be protected from. And, though it may seem a tale only about parenting – it is in fact a tale about wise leadership. And truthfully, when it comes to how kids turn out you could be perfect parent – and the child can still end up making some really bad choices. You’ll see what I mean. 

There was a young boy growing up in a place and time when he had pretty much anything he needed – or wanted. He was from a middle-class family – Not wealthy, Not poor – but they did well enough. 

The little boy was happy – for the most part. He never had to go hungry – though you’d find it hard to believe it by watching him sometimes. As this little scene was a regular occurrence; seems a chocolate chip cookie was almost always needed after lunch had didn’t eat much of. At least from the sound of it you think he might just waste away to nothing without that additional life sustaining morsel. 

If you’ve been a kid, you’ve probably done this. If you care for a child, you’ve had the joy of dealing with it. 

As you watched him waste his lunch, he complains about the butter being on the wrong side of the bread, or that the grapes are the wrong color, that yogurt is too hot, and he must have the white cheese not the yellow cheese? 

And then there is then the declaration, “I’m Full!”. And he gets himself down from the chair at the kitchen table – or off the couch, where he was watching a cartoon, while he played with his food. And, 3 seconds later he looks at you, and say’s with pleading in his voice, and puppy-dog eye’s, “I’m Hungry. I need a cookie.” 

And the obligatory conversation ensues about him saying he was full and playing with his lunch. 

“We’ll have a cookie later” you say. 

“I’m really-really hungry”, he says. And then the weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth begin … And then, somehow, he gets 3 cookies. 

And the pattern continues in other ways. He smashes his favorite toy, cry’s, and he gets a new one. So, he does it again… and again. 

He grows a little older and doesn’t ‘remember’ to do his second-grade science project. And late, the night before it’s due he gets you to help. And you basically do it for him – and it’s fun. 

And because we want him to be happy, whenever he gets into trouble, it gets taken care of. 

And it seems to him that in life, and the choices he makes, the trouble he causes, and the things he breaks – well it’s not really a big deal because he knows – someone will fix it. 

And, if he pleads and seems to struggle enough, he gets pretty much whatever he wants - eventually. 

Seems like a great life! Well taken care of, and no real consequences when he does something dumb. 

And that’s how life works – at least from his perspective. 

What is Learned? 

And as he matures, the pattern continues. 

He gets in trouble at school – so you smooth it over for him. 

He wrecks his first car – and you get him new one. 

He gets arrested, and you bail him out. 

Absolutely – wouldn’t any parent? I don’t want kid to have to spend a night in jail. Cause’ it’s not his fault. It’s that bunch he hangs out with. They are a bad influence. 

And the pattern continues – because no matter what – there’s no real consequence… for him. 

He has been taught some important lessons. One that he been re-enforced over and over again. And that is - that someone will fix it, he will get what he wants, and when something goes really bad… well, it’s not his fault. 

And those rules he’s supposed to follow – they don’t apply, at least not to him, because he always as an excuse, and it’s always someone else is a fault. 

{And, he’s right, you know. What he has been taught is true - for him. And it’s a pattern re-enforced over and over again. And this will remain his reality until it can’t anymore.} 

Many of us suffer from the same malady, to some extent, hopefully we got the opportunities – sooner or later - to learn better. As this poor unfortunate soul has had basically everything he wanted, and always got a pass for his bad, irresponsible, or just down right stupid behavior. 

{‘Poor and unfortunate’, you say! 

‘This kid is spoiled. 

He has gotten everything handed to him. 

He never had to fix his own mistakes. 

He never had been held responsible for anything he broke – or lost – or misused.’} 

Yep – he is spoiled – rotten. He has been protected – or perhaps we might say, cruelly isolated – from real life... 

Because caring, but unwise parents, have taught that everything can be replaced, fixed, or repaired… and he is never at fault. However, at some point he is going to end up an angry broken man. Life is not like that. At least not real life. 

This poor child has been handicapped by loving parents who didn’t want him to have to struggle. 

He has been cheated by parents who always minimized the struggle, took away the bad consequences, and the pain. Parents who did not understand that if they always rescue their hatchling – when it was time for him to learn, gain strength, wisdom, and skills that will help him survive and thrive on his own – they were actually removing the kinds of things that might have prepared him for real life. 

So, there are many little ‘Ounce Sized’ nuggets of wisdom we might find in this somewhat overly generalized story of a spoiled brat. 

But might I suggest just this one – 

Do not misunderstand – I am not justifying cruelty and neglect. 

As a retired first responder and can assure you there are plenty of times when people need to rescued from their own ignorant, or foolish choices. We as a society should not be looking at those who struggle and only say – ‘man – that must really suck for you – good luck with that.’ -Sometimes preserving life and limb requires greater intervention than a few words of encouragement. 

At some point every person will need help – and should get help. 

But often – it’s important to struggle, stretch, learn, and grow. The tough expenses bring wisdom, understanding, and comprehension of greater things. 

Challenges make us better – don’t hide from them. And think twice before you take any action that removes an important learning opportunity from someone else. 

So here is the ounce: Struggle may be the only way to reveal what really matters. 

And that’s it. And Ounce, submitted for your consideration.